Monday, March 19, 2012

Shark Tank Swims on ABC

My newest guilty pleasure has to be Shark Tank, Friday nights on ABC. In this reality competition the contestants (Or would be entrepreneurs as it were) present their pitches for a business or product idea to the "Sharks" for investment consideration and business partnership. The sharks are made up of a panel of billionaire investors. Your goal is to get any shark to invest in your concept and if not you walk away with nothing-the least of which being your dignity.
The sharks are cool, calculated business investors and I respect them much as I would a Great White in the wild tearing it's razor like teeth through the hide of some fuzzy, blubbery seal frantically swimming for it's life only to be gobbled up in the jaws of death leaving behind an ominous crimson cloud of death. Let's meet the sharks, shall we?
5 Billion dollar real estate investor and Pisces, Barbara Corcoran is shrewd and sassy but does so with a sly knowing smile as she is astute and definitely knows how to spend her money.
QVC queen Lori Grenier is a genius inventor with over 110 U.S. Patents she definitely can tell a thigh master from a flow-be. On to the boys club mmmkay?
Dallas Maverick's owner Mark Cuban was named one of GQ's men of the year in 2007 and is worth 2.5 Billion bucks. His cock sure personality and charm make him one of the more entertaining if not arrogant sharks.
Fashion mogul Daymond Johnson is cool as a cucumber and seems like one of the more difficult sharks to impress as he seems to know instantly if he is in or out.
Technology pioneer Robert Herjavec is more passive and seemingly more compassionate sharks he doesn't seem as eager for the kill bite as most of the other sharklings.
Billion software mogul Kevin O'Leary (Or "Mr. Wonderful as it were.) Has some of the more biting quips and seems one of the more bristly sharks. Having sold his educational software to Mattel for 3.7 Billion to Mattel. Hey this bull has my respect.
The sharks are shrewd entreating tough customers that aren't easily impressed. Hey, they got my respect.
And what would my pitch to the sharks be? My indecent comic book company Lethally Blonde Productions of course! I'm asking for 150,000 dollars for 40% of my company. Why would they want to invest in a niche market that notoriously makes no money? Because I make fun interesting comics. And fun interesting comics turn into movies and movie rights and movies turn into franchises which lead to licensing and all kinda of cash flow. I'm the funniest and one of the most innovative minds that needs a life line from a shark. C'mon sharkeys! Let's Negotiate!

Catch Shark Tank Friday nights on ABC (No chum necessary!)